The thing is no one really cares about the sibling of the drug addict. No one pays attention to how horrific the ordeal is for the sibling. I don’t mean this in a self pitying way, it is simply a fact. People tend to forget about the sibling, and they tend to overlook the significance of sibling relationships. No one really understands how painful it is to watch your sibling self-destruct and become unrecognizable. For me it was as if my brother had died, because the person I knew growing up completely disappeared, as the drugs turned him into a monster. Not only did I loose the person who was once my brother, but I had to deal with the abuse from the drug addict who now resided inside of my brother’s body. It was so painful to watch my older brother who was once so full of joy become gaunt and unrecognizable. Loosing a sibling to addiction is so unfair, because the person may still be there physically, but their personality is completely changed. They go in and out of rehab again and again, on and off the streets, and in and out of your life. You loose them over and over again.

During one of the many periods of time that my brother spent on the streets and I thought he was going to die, I came across these quotes that perfectly described how I felt about loosing my sibling:

“…losing a sibling is oftentimes much harder for a person than losing any other member of the family. A sibling represents a person’s past, present, and future. Spouses have each other, and even when one eventually dies, they have memories of a time when they existed before that other person and can more readily imagine a life without them. Likewise, parents may have other children to be concerned with–a future to protect for them. To lose a sibling is to lose the one person with whom one shares a lifelong bond that is meant to continue on into the future.” – John Corey Whaley, Where Things Come Back

“Not only had my brother disappeared…a part of my very being had gone with him. Stories about us could, from then on, be told from only one perspective. Memories could be told but not shared.” – John Corey Whaley, Where Things Come Back

Loosing my brother to drugs (although he is still alive, the brother I once knew is gone forever) has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with and has caused me immeasurable amounts of pain and heartache. I honestly feel like part of my identity was lost when I lost my brother.